I will not turn 50, I will stay 49 Forever

I have decided to be 49 forever. I have a birthday this winter but have resigned to not move forward. Sure all my friends and family expect the big 5-0, but that is just too bad. It is not happening.  I’m too young to be 50, and not old enough to get the perks of a senior citizen.  Too old for the younger crowd and too young for the older group. A space of time in the universe when you just don’t fit.

My son tells me I am old, but he is a teenager and that is an expected position. Both of my grown daughters tell me that I am beautiful and do not look my age. Really? They can’t seem where time has marched across my face leaving crows feet and lines in their wake. I see them. The roadmap that shows that I have devoted many hours being mother, wife, caretaker, chief cook, and bottle washer.

O, I am not complaining.  I have had a blessed life.  Yet, here I stand on the cusp of “middle age” and I wonder if I have just been a passenger in the vehicle of life or if I have truly lived to the fullest?

My house is full of family members for one reason or the other. I seldom have a moment to myself, let alone a moment with my husband. I feel stress and worry that drag me down.  I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety with panic attacks many years ago. They do not necessarily do they come or stay in this order. If you have been there, you will understand. If not, you do not yet. My goal is to show what this regularly all consuming diagnosis feels like and how best I cope day to day.  Hobbies/crafts help with my diagnosis and I will share mine and ideas you might want to try. There is a biblical reference to each story I share. That will hopefully encourage you in your own walk. Laughter relieves stress so there will be a bit of that too. I am of the opinion, you can not survive without that!

So, while I  empty the nest, there is much to occupy my time. Join me on my journey and maybe together we can make a better world for those who fight every day.  Let us begin the journey here: Caught in the Rain

 

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