I lay quietly in bed staring up at the ceiling fan. In the darkness I can just make out the blades doing their circular dance around the light. I have noticed if I stare at it long enough it seems to move slower. However, focusing on a moving object for too long is a really bad idea because I have horrific motion sickness. The kind that makes me have to sit on the bench while everyone else enjoys the teacup ride. The kind that makes it clear I can not watch the new video games without fear of losing my lunch. Yet here my insomnia and I have no clues until a warning sign arrives in the form of a slight quiver of the stomach. I close my eyes in what I thought was the just knick of time, but not before my head decided to take a swim. I am astonished how a mature person who knows something is a bad for them, for no particular reason at all, will plunge head first into the proverbial pool.
Life is like me and the fan sometimes. At least it is here at my house. There is so much to do these days. I know that going out with a laundry list of things to do on a day when my anxiety is rearing its ugly head, is a bad idea yet I gather my things and head to the vehicle. We go and go like a hamster on a wheel. His little legs faster and faster and that circle just keeps on circling. Round, and round. Woah, give me a second that was kicking up the motion sickness just thinking about it.
It is said that doing the same thing over and over expecting different results is the definition of stupidity. Although I may have just called myself stupid for watching the ceiling fan, please be sure not to miss the real point here. It does not matter what you battle over and over again, depression, addiction, low self esteem, etc. You can not keep on trying all the things that have been failing you all along, and expect to win.
Yes, God will rescue us in these battles, but sometimes He can not help because we simply get in His way. Because as long as we are content running on that wheel, He will wait. If we are okay remaining in our present condition then there is no room for God. We must stop and surrender and then real change can take effect in our hearts and lives.
So, from this day forward, I will not ride crazy rides or watch video games or concentrate on ceiling fans that are in motion anymore. It’s a bad idea for me. And I know it. After all, I can call me stupid, but I am not too keen on the idea of you or God going there.