Slowly I take in the warm comforting solution that helps me wake up each day. The people that leave for work are gone, and it is quiet. Except for a snore or two from a nearby bedroom, I hear mostly the keys on the keyboard. This is a rare morning for me. Because my depression causes me severe insomnia, I must take medication to help me sleep at night. This makes mornings extremely hard. Getting up early can be almost an impossibility. Wow, I never noticed how loud the wall clock ticked. My dog is asleep beside me in my recliner, and Dad’s dog is a few feet away staring at me from his living room bed. It is pleasant. I am thankful for this few minutes to myself.
I have been reading and thinking the last few days about the condition known as depression. While some say it is a myth, I know it to be a real obstacle. There are times when the voice in my head tells me things that are completely opposite of the truth. I know they are not true, yet the symptoms that accompany those thoughts make them hard to ignore.
You are worthless, you are unloved, you are stupid. That is just a few of the things I have felt. I know I am not worthless. I have had to accept the fact that my disabled body can only do so much, but I am NOT worthless. I am loved. I have a wonderfully supportive, loving spouse who just adores me, I am still Daddy’s little girl, I have 3 children and a son-in-law who think I am the bomb.com, and friends and acquaintances that also think I am pretty awesome. Even if all that were not true, I have a Heavenly Father who thinks I am to die for! (John 3:16)
I am an intelligent being. I am not stupid. I may appear eccentric to some, but I am who I am. I have tried in my nearly 50 years to never stop learning. To be open to new challenges and adventures. However, I can do very little physically, and I get motion sickness too easily for some adventures. But all that said, I am a person who enjoys learning new things, and reading and of course writing.
When I first decided to begin this blog I was so excited, then I began to doubt myself. Why would anyone want to read what you have to say? Came the objections. Fear tried to grip me, and cause me to stop. But I plunged on. No, it is not perfect, and I have a ton of things left to learn to do better, but I will not let the doubt nor fear of rejection or lack of motivation detour me.
Jeremiah 29:11 in the Amplified version of the Bible reads, For I know the plans and thoughts that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace, and well-being and not for disaster to give you a future and a hope. Now I believe that the Bible is the inspired word of God, so this verse really speaks to my situation. And to yours too.
God has plans and thoughts about us. BOOM! Mind blown. In the book of Isaiah, it says that heaven is His throne and the Earth his footstool. Now, why would a God that huge have thoughts on little ole us? (Southern expression intended.) In a word, love. Romans 5:8, But God clearly shows and proves His own love for us, by the fact that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. He did not wait until we accepted Christ to love us, He loved us before it all.
Back to Jeremiah 29:11. His thoughts are of peace and well-being, not a disaster. Peace. Remember peace? When everyone and thing is quiet inside and out. Those are the good days. I wonder if His (God’s) thoughts are the reason that the symptoms come and go. I’m sure we can agree that well-being is not depression. Yet we have been given tools to combat these minions of depression. I believe that is where our well being comes. Spiritual leaders and the Bible, Doctors, and Medications, Therapists and friends, and someone close that you can confide in. Sometimes that is a flesh and blood person and other times it is God himself. You can talk to him as much as you want and He will never blab your business around town.
A support system is EXTREMELY important. If you do not have one, get one! God the Creator has thoughts of us to give us hope and a future. HOPE is defined as a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. FUTURE is the time or a period of time following the moment of speaking or writing; time regarded as still to come.
Hope and a future. Sounds like a perfect reason to get out of bed in the morning.